is there ever a happy ending to a relationship that you put your all into?? let me tell it, the the answer is no. #vent ========>
i was in a relationship faithfully for two and a half years.. and it is over. ☠ you know how they say "you never get over your first love" well it's true, to an extent! i fell for this boy the moment i laid eyes on him. it's something about him that was just SO hard for me to let go even though i knew that he was no good for me.. funny thing is to this day i couldnt tell you why i fell for him. he's never done anything that was so amazing but i cherished the little things.. like for instance, i love how we would sit outside on summer ☀ nights and i'd lay on the back of his car and he'd lay on my chest and listen to my heart beat and hold me as i counted the stars and played in his hair.. (chill bumps*) i love stuff like that!! i am such an affectionate person and he knew that.. so he'd do little things like that. or massage my back while we watch a movie.. or hold my hand while we walk thru the grocery store.. or just kiss me regardless of who was around, for no apparent reason other than to remind me of how his lips feel when they're close to mine. and i know all of this sounds good but at the end of the day the bad outweighed the good.. we never really talked about much of anything.. so when we argued it was pointless and our relationship just grew worse and worse until finally it exploded and exposed all the lies and secrets and fears that, if addressed, could have been avoided or fixed.. but truth is.... there is only so much every person can take. as i grow older, and wiser, i'm learning that i dont have to settle for anything less than what i deserve. i dont have to put up with certain things.. i dont have to be in a one sided relationship fighting for something that's not worth the scars.. so i left ✌. and i havent looked back. i couldnt submit myself to the unnecessary bullshit anymore.. i dont deserve ✄---- the lies or the cheating or the lonely nights or the tears or the yelling or the cursing---.. none of it. I DESERVE BETTER ♕. so i did better....... for me.. and guess what, my new guy saved me from being one of the many bitter woman on the face of this earth.. he doesnt know it, but he literally rescued me from myself. with him, im not worried about who else he's talking to. he makes sure i know im his.. i can see myself building a real relationship with him.. he makes me better. i dont have to worry about anything when it comes to him... he gives me the comfort and assurance and admiration that i was missing before.. he compliments me and i do the same for him.. flaws and all ❤ to me he's perfect! we got in one major disagreement and at the end he told me "i f*ck up sometimes, but i dont want you to go anywhere, you're the one" ...i try not to compare him with my ex BUT i have never once EVER heard frm my ex that he thought i was "the one" and any man that can admit he has faults and says, in not so many words, that he doesn't want to lose his girl... deserves to be loved, and loved right. idk who, but someone said,
“Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he's in love with you; when he is afraid of losing you.”
and i whole♡heartedly believe that. what i thought was love was overthrown by this new feeling.. a feeling like i dont want anybody else to have this guy because i know no one cant love him like i can. every bit of me wants every bit of him and im okay with that.. a feeling like i dont care how long i have to wait or how far from him i have to be i just want him to be a part of my life.. a feeling like i want to help him be a better him, if not the best him, and i want him to better me.. a feeling like i would do whatever it takes to make us work and do away with anybody who try's to stop us.. and i like it. i thought i knew love until i found it for real and boy was i wrong.. idk if he feels the same way about me....but i guess that's a -risk- that im willing to take because i do.. and i admit it, well i mean; i guess i said all that to say. Im in love with him.. and in order to find out what love really is i had to experience what it really wasnt...ツ
